The Hierophant

Gentlemen and Gentlewomen of the Vox Chaotica Council! First and foremost, exciting news for my internship! I might have a college-sanctioned one! As long as all the paperwork is approved and pushed through in time, I will be interning with the local and amazing 80/20 Records! They represent people like Fairy Bones, Captain Squeegee, Statues of Cats, and other indie bands here in Phoenix and in LA. Anyway, just thought you ought to know.

The other important spur growing from that branch of thought is that I might actually graduate college this semester.

Weird.

Anyway, down to the cool things. Remember how I'm in that super-cheaty upper division Honors class? Myth and Mysteries of the Tarot? It's the best class ever. Lemme tell you a little about it: Best. Class. Evar. I mean, I took a really amazing Writing Short Stories in Fantasy and Science Fiction, and my thesis was... *switches to Old Man Codger voice* how do you kids say it? Totes baller? *back to the normal*, but this class is just straight up my alley. Side note: that's a weird saying. Why, of all the interesting and amazing sayings we could have come up with, did that make it into the vernacular? It has no life, no panache.

Getting back to topic... We did a cool thing in class yesterday, and I wanna share it with you in a NEW SEGMENT I call:

CUTTER TEACHES YOU STUFF ABOUT THE TAROT AND STUFF (WITH SOME TAROT-BLE PUNS)!

Alright, we're going to determine four cards of the Tarot that determine part of your Tarot Profile—your soul card, your personality card, your year card, and your zodiac card. Let's start off with the soul card, after a lovely message from our editor. [Editor's note: the Tarot is a metaphorical entity. What Tarot does is give you a window into a possible reality—based on your own assumptions, experiences, connections, and depth of belief (that last is something my teacher did not say, but I feel is appropriate to add). To really learn from the Tarot, you have to believe in your own free will, and take whatever a reading throws at you as metaphor. You are free to see it and disbelieve or dismiss it as fancy, and that is your choice.]

I - PERSONALITY CARD

A person's Personality Card represents what your purpose on Earth is for this life. Often this is interpreted as the lesson you have to learn through the trials and successes of this lifetime.

Take your birthday, add your birth month, add your birth year. Then divide the resulting number, divide it into single numbers, and add those together. If the resulting number from these steps is larger than 22, repeat the last step with the new number. So say you have 24—there is no 24 card in the major arcana, so you add 2 and 4 to get six, and that is your personality card. Whatever number you end up with is the number of the card in the major arcana that represents your personality.

Example: Jorge Luis Borges, born 24 August, 1899. Therefore 24 (birthday)+8 (birth month)+1899 (birth year)=1931. 1+9+3+1=16. Borges' personality card would be XVI - The Tower.

II - SOUL CARD

A person's Soul Card represents what your purpose on Earth is for all their lives. It is the essence of your being in every incarnation you have upon this Earth.

If your personality card is a single-digit number, then your personality and soul cards are identical. If not, you take the two single-digit numbers that make up the numeral for your personality card and add those together.

Example: Jorge Luis Borges, personality card number: 16. 1+6=7. Borges' soul card would be VII - The Chariot.

III - YEAR CARD

The year card is a general overview of this coming year. Usually best done near the new year, so you can prepare—or rub your good fortune in the noses of your friends. That's another really strange saying...

This one's done almost identically to your personality card, except instead of your birth year, use the year you want to read for.

Example: Jorge Luis Borges, born 24 August; reading year, 2015. 24 (birthday)+8 (birth month)+2015 (year to be read)=2047. 2+0+4+7=13. Borges' year card for this year would be XIII - Death.

IV - ZODIAC CARD

This is the card that aligns with your Zodiac symbol—the astrological Zodiac, and not the Chinese Zodiac. Though mine are the same! *cues Twilight Zone music*

There is no formula for Zodiac cards. They're just assigned. Find yours here, whydoncha?

Anyway, that's plenty for right now, I think. Feel free to let me know which ones are yours!

tl;dr Cutter really likes his Tarot class, and does a mini lesson for you via the wonders of the Internets! Also he might be able to graduate this semester because he got an internship, or whatever...