Down the rabbit hole we fall...

Gentlemen and Gentlewomen of the Vox Chaotica Council! It's time, lovely council members–time for a blast from the past! Welcome aboard the Time Bus 3000, where seat-belts have been proven irrelevant, the driver smells a bit like turkey and swiss, and the vinyl seats stick to your legs and leave all sorts of weird red lines! Our fearless driver speaks: "All you lot on the bus? Let's take you home then," then proceeds to drive to the stops, never uttering another hallowed word. But what's that on the road? There's some sort of weird blue mirage! If we get just a bit closer, we might be able to make out what it is! Oh dear God it's a WORMHOLE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! A tinny female voice pierces your mind:


My name is John Chriton. I'm an astronaut from the planet Earth. I got sucked through a wormhole...

That's really bad? So sick, man! Gnarly, dude!

Oh dear! It seems the slang buffers has shorted out! Dude–NO–aiight, let's get this show pumping! AH what's happening to my voice? The bus is going to crash, we better dip! *Dramatic commando rolls* What is this? I-I no–I ah gah bah ha *gurgling baby noises*

[vimeo 26819112 w=500 h=375]

[Enter stuffy English narrator. His salt and pepper hair is mostly salt and he harbours a deep envy of Morgan Freeman]

Lord Winston Alastaire Chuckabee, Earl of Somerset: Since your normal narrator seems to have become a baby from travelling this far back into the past, I am afraid I simply must take over his usual position. (aside) Jenkins, my dear boy, could you tell me why you've forced me to do this insufferable filth of a narration job? National Geographic contacted ME to do March of the Penguins first! Bloody awful sodding so-and-so. (Back to audience) Let's see, the first item he had here on his agenda was music... I believe he said something about What's Up by 4 Non-Blondes... I've never heard of them. Those Yanks and their strange behaviours–I never will understand them. Anyway, he made a note here—let me pull out my spectacles—ah yes. Cutter says: This song was a good representation of the 90s and the rising feminism blah blah blah... no, I determine he said nothing of value on the subject. Poor lad trying to look as though he actually knows something.

The next song was REM's Losing my Religion. He said that this was when he discovered... Wait–(aside) Jenkins, is this the band that Michael Stipe headed? Bugger all what's the point of doing this blog? Everyone in the narration industry will laugh me out of a job! Fetch me a damn pint you miserable man. Anyway, this is a song by perhaps the weirdest man besides Prince.

Cutter listed another few songs... Or rather a lot of songs, and honestly, I am quite done with this idiotic exercise in futility. He says he gives a special shout-out to the song with the lyrics "she cried a river and drowned the whole world" and that anyone who could give the song's actual name would get 100 points. Points? What are those for, Jenkins...?

He suggested I put a picture here, so... I guess here is one of the young lad.

By far the coolest kid on the block

[Exeunt Lord Winston Alastaire Chuckabee, Earl of Somerset]

Looking around, everyone on the time-warp bus is slowly being drawn back toward the wormhole. you slowly accelerate until you hit the event horizon and then your world goes funny and snippets of 90's culture fly past you: "I wanna be the very best, like no one..." a weird yellow glass ball with red stars on it, a blur of technicolour madness, your poor virtual pet you cried about for weeks after it died, grunge clothes, the weird pokémon offshoots...

Everything blurs and fades to black as the sound of a dial-up modem connecting to the Internet...

tl;dr Cutter likes the 90s, even though some of the things back then were pretty stupid. Relive your past, your childhood, or maybe your reality. ARE YOU FROM THE PAST? HOW DID YOU GET HERE?